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Written by Johnnie S Laney
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Wednesday, 16 September 2009 13:35 |
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Understand this one thing about conflict: it will occur in any healthy relationship. So if you learn to deal with it in a healthy fashion, you will help your relationship to thrive.
by JohnnieSLaney
Understand this one thing about conflict: it will occur in any healthy relationship. So if you learn to deal with it in a healthy fashion, you will help your relationship to thrive.
There are many things you can do to avoid killing off your relationship when conflict arises. Learn and practice just a few of these things and you will be doing your relationship a favor.
First, learn to breathe during an argument. This is harder than it sounds, and may take months to do. But if you can focus on your breathing during an argument, you will stay calmer and keep the conflict from getting too ugly.
Next, understand that conflict causes crappy conduct. Adults act like ten year old's during a conflict. There's screaming, crying, swearing, slamming of doors. It's going to happen during some arguments.
This too is harder to do than to say, but learn to not take it so personally. A few minutes of childish behavior during an argument doesn't define you or your mate. You will both revert back to adults after you stop shouting. Don't let the bad behavior color all the good things between the two of you.
Another powerful way to deal with conflict is to learn to de-escalate. Keep it from getting more heated as much as you can. Sometimes you need to say I need a few minutes to get myself under control, then walk away. Don't withdraw for hours or days, just a few minutes, as shutting your partner out has been shown to cause great damage to a relationship.
Reconnect with your mate after a fight. Don't let anger turn to poison. Say something like "sorry we went off on each other, are you okay?" Don't go hours or days not talking to each other!
Arguments will happen between any two healthy adults. If you can take some time, breathe, calm things down, and reconnect after wards, then later you can discuss the issues more rationally with your mate. There is a lot more to dealing with conflict in a healthy way, but these things are a good start. It may take months to master any of them, but you should have lots of opportunities to practice.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School Help With Relationships . Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Love Relationship Help Quotes. |
